Close Old Chapters Before Opening Another

20131122-224730.jpg

Ending a relationship is sometimes one of the most dreadful things to do emotionally. Actually you know what? I meant it’s ALWAYS one of the most dreadful things to do.

Whether it’s a relationship you’re completely committed to or something that’s still in air, it’s never really fun hurting someone’s feelings as well as your own. You just don’t want to be “that person.” As hard as it is, it NEVER makes it OK to start something new while you’re figuring out an older chapter of your life.

I’ve expressed my feelings about how to end a relationship like a gentleman, but I wanted to focus on the types of people who start a new chapter before ending one.

This used to be my category of expertise and what I seemed to be a magnet for back in my dating days. It never failed that I just seemed to meet girls that were in a rocky relationship or technically single with unfinished business or emotions with an ex.

Out of all those types of experiences, I will say that I was basically 10 for 10 in those NOT working out. Why? Well that’s because there were reserved feelings somewhere deep down inside about their ex, mixed emotions about what they really wanted to do, or fear of being alone before knowing if something good was on the horizon as a replacement.

I give myself a lot of credit for having the patience that I do have, because it wasn’t easy. It was my flaw for being the nice guy, but led me to what I have now. Some of things I dealt with was putting up with half-ass emotions with hopes of things transitioning to 100%. I would also experience the whole “well I just want to know how serious this is going to get before cutting ties.” Imagine that? I’m not going to keep ranting, but I’m just trying to help you visualize the type of scenarios to avoid as well as the scenarios to give someone. Trust me….NONE OF YOU WANT THAT.

Every new chapter deserves a fresh start. If that means holding off on an opportunity and waiting for things to be clear then so be it. New chapters don’t need the unnecessary drama carried over from the previous chapters to mess them up. Why mess up a brand new opportunity? It didn’t do anything to you.

Sometimes these types of relationships can work, but it often isn’t completely smooth when started with these circumstances. Often times relationships built a certain way end that same certain way. Like I said, I’ve experienced my fair share of women with unfinished relationships and it caused more harm than good for the most part.

Whether it’s 1.) you being scared to be alone or 2.) you not wanting to be the one to end things due to fear or mixed emotions, you just have to end it and create that closure.

Let’s dig deeper into these 2 scenarios:

1. When it comes to not wanting to be alone…

I do understand that some of you can’t be alone and can’t completely let go. You can’t stand the thought of not having a backup plan. To some people, I guess there isn’t anything wrong with that, but to be blunt, it’s not fair or healthy to you or anyone else. It’s just selfish.

You sometimes may ask yourself, “What is going to happen if I don’t have someone to call my own or come home to?” I have a good answer to that….NOTHING. Nothing is going to happen to you. You’re still you, but the alone you, and that’s perfectly fine. You’re just going to be your independent self, which is what you should be with or without someone.

You don’t always have to be with someone to make you whole, especially if it’s not working out. Being alone and independent is very respectable and can be a great thing with the right state of mind. You may not think so or feel it, but it’s true. There are many benefits and it’s all about seeing all the benefits rather than the negatives, which I intend on discussing in a future post about the benefits of being single.

2. For people who just don’t want to be the one to end things due to fear or mixed emotions…

I get that too. You don’t want to deal with the confrontation and emotion, so you tell yourself it’s “not that bad” and prolong the inevitable. You keep yourself busy enough to not deal with that conversation you know you have to have. You’re basically settling and it’s the easier thing to do. This scenario is no better than being scared to be alone. It’s another selfish act and it does more damage when it is prolonged.

If you end things when your supposed to, you set someone free rather than mislead them from what’s really going on in your heart. You also save yourself from time wrongly spent and you save yourself from the frustration of a more complicating situation.

There’s nothing wrong with weighing out your options, but you should do that before someone’s heart is fully involved. It’s only fair right? On another note, it definitely is wrong to leave someone for someone else, but if you are going to do that, make sure it’s a complete done deal before doing so, rather than having 2 people on that balancing scale.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone had some unfinished business you had to deal with? What kind of headaches did you have to put up with emotionally and how did you handle it? Please share your thoughts.

photo credit: sarah_browning via photopin cc

Share Button

Leave a Reply