How To Close One Door Before Opening Another: A Gentleman’s View

close door doorway relationships

You should always close one door before opening another when it comes to relationships

It’s true that not everyone will do that, but it’s just the right thing to do. You could be going through the worst problems, worst communication, and have already made the decision that it is heading no where, but nothing makes it acceptable to start anything new until that door is closed. It not only affects the other person, but you as well.

Why is this lingering in my mind?

I’ve always been that guy that people could look to when they needed someone to hear them out and give them advice; especially when it came to relationships. A friend of mine reached out to me not too long ago and wanted to vent about problems he was having with his relationship. We frequently stay in touch and it threw me off guard because I didn’t even know him and his girl were going through any problems.

It’s always nice to find out about new and good news

I remember when he first told me about his new relationship. He was so excited and proud to finally have something so different and carefree. My friend has a career that requires frequent crazy hours and it never sat well with his past experiences. Too many questions and too many insecurities got in the way, this change of pace made him happy. His new girl was very supportive of his job, seemed like she never questioned him about anything, and that is why I was surprised to hear that they were having problems. The crazy thing is I went from thinking that this relationship was going to really take off somewhere to knowing that the relationship was at a stand-still without any fun, passion, or intimacy for months!

I’m starting to digress with my background story, so let’s get back to why I’m discussing closure of old doors

In the midst of telling me he was having problems, my friend told me that his friends from out of town were coming to visit him for the week. Yes these “friends” were women. Turns out that the last time they hung out, he felt like there was some unfinished tension between him and one of the girls. He had a bad feeling with the combination of his current relationship being on the rocky side, and the existing unfinished business with his “friend” brewing, there was a bad situation bound to happen. Sure enough, the irreversible inevitable happened during that week.

Is this something that should have taken place? Of course not. Could this have been handled completely different? Of course. in a perfect world, everybody would have the control and decency to always think and make sure things are properly taken care of before moving forward with every decision. Unfortunately, the world is not perfect. Human nature just happens sometimes. No one is here to judge and no one is perfect, but here is what this outcome causes…

  • Guilt
  • Fear
  • Lies
  • Hurt
  • Regret
  • Distrust

No one wants to be the cause of any of these issues. When these things become an existing issue in any relationship, it is tough to work things out and sometimes there’s no turning back.

There are steps you can take to dissect a situation and get to the bottom of ending the relationship

Please remember that ending a relationship doesn’t mean that you are the bad guy. Of course it’s not going to make you the most favorable guy, but it’s not going to make you the bad guy if you do things right. Do them wrong, and you will be stuck with an image you probably won’t want on your track record. Here are a few things you can do to close one door like a gentleman…

  • For starters, avoid any new opportunities until this door is closed
  • Have a proper sit down and bring all the problems you want to discuss on the table
  • Make sure the both of you are up to speed on where your feelings are at no matter how much the truth hurts
  • Make sure you address the certain things that are bothering you and why you don’t think it’s going to work out
  • Make sure she is OK and no matter how uncomfortable the situation is, stay there to comfort her during this time of pain if possible
  • Don’t go off and celebrate by being with someone the next day or the immediate days to come
  • Check up on them to make sure they are OK; if the situation isn’t that ugly

The whole goal I take so much pride in is to be a gentleman with no matter what the outcome is in any relationship. You’re looked at better that way and you also sleep better at night knowing that you do things right. You want to go through life losing count of how many things you do right and not how many things you do wrong.

If I’m missing something when it comes to ending things the right way, please fill me in and comment. I would love to hear what other people have done in their lives to end things the right way.

photo credit: Thomas Leth-Olsen via photopin cc


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  1. Pingback: Close Old Chapters Before Opening Another - The Chivalrous Mind

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