Is Your Goal To Scare The Person?? I Hope Not…

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It’s an honor to be given the opportunity to get to know someone, so don’t scare that person away by being overbearing, aggressive, and too personal too soon. That is a fact whether it is just for a date or to try to develop a serious relationship.

I remember getting to that stage of life of dating at a young age where it was all about just going out with someone and getting all personal to get to know everything about them. I remember some of the funny questions I used to ask because I was just too excited and eager. Getting personal about their sex life, their love history, and etc.

It’s hard to develop a filter and sometimes you develop a filter by having someone basically say “wow that was totally the wrong thing to bring up on this date” and now they are turned off. Or, you can have a cool guy like me give you some advice in this complex world. I’ve shared a bunch of questions I never never NEVER asked on a first date, or even in the first few dates. If certain things come up during a natural flowing conversation then great! Sometimes certain things are better left unasked. This goes for being asked these questions too. Tell them you’re not comfortable being asked certain questions.

Questions to avoid…

Why did your last relationship end?

    You’re not sure if you’re going to strike a nerve with them and you also don’t want the night going down the wrong road towards that depressing conversation. Don’t use your first few dates as a way to vent about your past and also don’t let them bring up their past. It’s too early for that.

How long till you usually kiss someone or sleep with someone?

    I don’t think I need to dwell on why you shouldn’t ask this question too much do I? Ok I will…If you ask this right away, your intentions are completely obvious. You have to let that first kiss flow and not ask when it usually happens. You want things to be natural and special, so this is how I see things. You shouldn’t expect a kiss, know when they usually kiss, or know how to prepare for that kiss. If that date is going well trust me both of you are thinking about that kiss and it is going to happen. The dating keeps going well and the kissing to follow, then the sex is happening. Ok I’m done with that one

Do you like/want kids?

    This question can be very appropriate in certain situations like being on a date with a single parent or 2 older individuals that have that goal in mind. In those scenarios I’d say this is a great question, because no time needs to be wasted on certain priorities. On the other hand, when it comes to two people just getting to know each other, let’s leave that question alone for a later more appropriate time when you both have had the chance to have fun and get to know each other.

Is marriage a goal that you are aiming for in the future?

    The same applies to this question in regards to kids. If the scenario is right, then this question is completely appropriate. The whole goal here is to NOT scare someone away. When someone just wants to have a nice conversation, have fun, and get to know someone, they don’t want to feel pressure right away.Turn your marriage clock off for now.

So why did you agree to have a date with me?

    I love these fishing for compliment playful type of questions. Listen, you’re already on the date, so don’t give anyone any reason to think you’re not the confident type. The whole fishing for compliments game gets old and starts to look like you doubt yourself. I remember a few girls had similar questions and were always like “So…you are interested in me?, Am I really that attractive to you?, You don’t think I’m that pretty do you?” It’s like “DUH of course!! I approached you and I’m on the date with you aren’t I?” Remember, they are there and they are interested in you. Yes it does work for some people, but again…..don’t do it! Confidence is key!!

How much do you make?

    Whoa whoa whoa now!!! I know money is important to some people, but that a lot to ask especially on a first date. Does it really cost that much to have fun with someone? The money is of course going to matter in some aspects of a relationship, but the relationship isn’t there yet. Make a connection first. You will learn that sometimes the connection is worth more than the money.

That’s a nice “DO NOT” list to get started. I definitely have more, but these did a good job helping me not scare someone away. Sure you don’t want to waste time and  want to know if this person is what you’re looking for, but you also don’t want to sacrifice messing it up by moving too fast. There will be plenty of time to get really personal, but develop that fun easy going foundation first.

Good Journey!!

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  1. Pingback: That First Date…So Little Time, But So Many Questions! | The Chivalrous Mind

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