The beautiful thing about love is that it’s unique. There isn’t just one way to love somebody.
It can be with a lot of words or with a whole lot of silence. It can be with a lot of actions or not a lot of actions at all. It’s easier to love when there is no preconceived expectation on the way it’s supposed to go. It just has to feel right and the rest will follow. There are many different versions of love and if you’re willing, you could learn a lot from other relationships.
Before I go into more depth about this topic, I just wanted to point out that it’s amazing where the inspiration to write about certain topics can come from. For me, sometimes it can be from a friend venting, a story I hear from random people, and many times it’s from my own experiences.
I was recently inspired by this topic just by seeing someone’s picture on Instagram by user @vinnygoombots. He said, “My favorite thing about love, is the perception of it. We all love different ways. Your version of love may be different from mine and that’s fine with me, because my version of love is different from yours. I love to see people in love, because all I do is learn a new version of love. Either get it or don’t.” A message like that is powerful. Sometimes you just have to sit back and observe the world in every way possible, because you never know what you are going to learn.
Back to my featured presentation…
Sometimes people get so bent out of shape because of their expectations of the way love is supposed to be, and yes, I’ve fallen victim to this too.
I remember when I first started dating. I used to think there was a rulebook or a checklist of what you need to look for. I spent a lot of time comparing qualities and building standards. You know what that did? It made the journey for love more difficult. Sometimes you just can’t help it. It’s easy to feel there’s a benchmark of the perfect love or that there’s a way to feel you need to be loved.
Since love is so complex, you just have to find ways to simplify it. There are a few things you need to keep in mind and your outlook on it will be more simple.
Standards are easily built…
Some people see what kind of relationship their friends have, watch a movie, hear a song, or see a couple out and about and ask themselves “why can’t I have that?” or “why isn’t our relationship like that?” There is only one answer to those questions. It’s because no relationship is the same and everyone’s version of love is going to be different. There is no need to compare.
That’s what makes love so unique though. Find a special connection with someone first and then worry about everything else after. It’s ok to have standards because everyone deserves nothing but the best, but don’t create too many speed bumps.
Build more standards once the foundation is set. If at the end of the day, both the feelings and actions don’t feel right, then you know something is officially wrong. You can always fix the actions by communicating with each other and working at them if the feelings and connection are still there.
Love is a feeling not an action…
I’m sure some will disagree, but the feelings and emotions are the core to everything. True there are actions that can show someone love, and make people say things like, “you can tell he/she really loves you because they did that.” You have to understand that it’s the feelings behind the actions that will truly make you feel the love.
Anyone can plan a date, go to dinner, or buy something luxurious for someone. Is that love? No it is not. The actions just help reinforce the true emotion. People can do those things simply because they can and that’s where you SHOULDN’T get confused. Here’s a good checklist:
- Was it sincere?
- Was thought put into it?
- Does it have anything to do with the little things that the both of you express to each other?
Throw all preconceived expectations and standards out the window…
Everyone needs standards, but hear me out first. I always disliked when I heard people ask things like “why can’t I find someone?” or “why doesn’t anything EVER turn out the right way?” Not because they asked, but when I heard some of their reasons why and so soon in the relationship.
Some of their reasons why included things like career, status, standards of what they expected at certain times of the relationship, availability, and etc. TOO MANY SPEED BUMPS! You’re getting in your own way of helping anything move forward.
Just throw all the preconceived expectations to the side and let things flow first. Try that out in the beginning and if your relationship has some time on it already, try to give each other a clean slate. You may be surprised and find a different part of you and different things in each other that make you tick.
As I always say, love is a beautiful yet very complex thing. Does that mean it is bad? Of course not. It means that it’s unique, special, and workable. Take the love you find/have and appreciate it. Don’t stop there though. Learn from your own love and also learn from other people’s love. It’s amazing what you may find and what may make your love for each other to be even stronger.